


Here I Am

by pixiealtaira



Series: Hummel Holidays 2016 [18]
Category: Glee
Genre: Grief/Mourning, M/M, Not Blaine or Klaine Friendly, Not Rachel Friendly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:53:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26354515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pixiealtaira/pseuds/pixiealtaira
Summary: Day 18 Hummel Holidays 2016: friends
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Series: Hummel Holidays 2016 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1871257
Comments: 1
Kudos: 51





	Here I Am

When Finn died, Burt and Carole sent Kurt the ticket to make it back home for the funeral. He got on a plane at 4am on the Thursday they were having the funeral and he got off in Ohio in Dayton in time to drive to Lima and be there for the funeral at 11:30. The ticket had him leaving Dayton at 6pm Friday evening. He asked his Dad about it and was told simply that Carole bought his ticket when she bought the others they helped bring in and that when he asked she said too many people would still be at the house so Kurt needed to leave early so they could use his bedroom and bed if needed. It was weird, but things were always weird when Carole’s family was involved. His dad never put up a fuss or complained about it. Kurt just did what he always did when it involved the family and went with it.

Kurt got off the plane and walked to rent a car, but found out someone had already reserved one and paid for its use for two days. Kurt figured that was his dad. Kurt thanked his dad for the car waiting but his dad had no idea what Kurt was talking about. Neither did Isabelle or Chase. It was good; he’d paid for Santana’s ticket to get back to Lima for the funeral. The lack of need to pay for a car was such a relief…the freedom of a car was such a relief.

The funeral was hard. Not just due to it being Finn’s.

It was in the same church his mother’s had been at, and the pastor was even more negative towards Kurt now he was big and ‘really’ a sinner and going to hell than he was when Kurt was 8 and just ‘weird’ and probably a sinner and going to hell. The pastor of course didn’t voice his thoughts near his dad. Burt being a congressman was a great draw to his church, even if Burt only attended at Christmas and Easter.

Rachel sung four times at the funeral. Rachel sung four official times. She interrupted the funeral three other times to try to sing. Kurt thought Carole was going to kill her. He would not have blamed Carole. When they were gathered later to greet friends and family and accept condolences, Rachel pushed her way into standing by Burt and Carole - pushing Kurt out of the group, which no one seemed to care about, not even his dad - and introducing herself as ‘Rachel, Finn’s fiancé and future Broadway star’ and ‘the person he loved most, even above his mother’. She left dramatically to bawl loudly and very wildly several times during the reception/luncheon…mostly when the people speaking with Burt were political associates of some description and thus important. She referred to herself as Finn’s widow multiple times.

Kurt was left at the church when they went to the grave yard. Carole did not want Kurt riding with them and everyone else thought Kurt would surely ride with Burt and Carole because that was how it ought to have been. Luckily the graveyard was within walking distance and Kurt made it in time to be there for everything done at the cemetery. Rachel was overheard multiple times stating loudly that if it wasn’t for how much dirt was around she would fling herself over the casket and wail properly. Carole did fling herself over the casket and wail loudly, screaming for her lost son. Kurt couldn’t decide if it was in response to Rachel or if Carole would have done it anyway. It wasn’t the cemetery his mother was buried at, so that was good.

Kurt caught a ride to the reception hall with Mike’s parents.

The reception hall was very nicely decorated and Kurt approved of the life video the funeral place had put together for Finn. He complemented them on the mix of songs they put together to play in the background...all of Finn’s favorites, as described by Finn himself. Pictures of Finn were all over…mostly of him and Carole and when he was younger. (Kurt quickly figured out that there were five pictures of Finn during each year of his life, one which was alone and the other which may have had other people in them…like friends and cousins…and then three of him and his mother each year. Added to those was one of each activity he was involved in each year, either his personal shot or a team photo. There were pictures of Finn and Burt together as well, one for every year his dad was involved with Carole. There was only one of the four of them and none of Kurt and Finn, except in the New Directions pictures.)) The staff was very considerate and polite, which was good because the same couldn’t be said for half the guests.

Rachel went around the hall when Rachel and her Dads first arrived…after she had been taken home to change into a ‘better for a reception’ mourning dress…pointing out which flowers were sent to her and not to the Hummels or Hudsons. She was rude about the luncheon offerings. She was obnoxious about the music softly playing in the background. She fussed about the fact that only a total of four photos displayed were of her and Finn…and there were two of Finn and Quinn and one of Finn and Santana and Britany. And there were only a total of four of Finn with the New Directions…and one of those was with the new group. Rachel instead loudly that since that was the most important part of Finn’s life…mostly because that was where she and Finn connected, it should have been displayed prominently and everything else should have been sidelined. 

Santana was mean…angry and mean. The staff seemed to be acceptable of this, so Kurt figured they dealt with people who dealt with their feeling like that often. Britany was prone to breaking down over the littlest of things…a picture of Finn riding a pony, the way the bubbles in her drink floated, a flower in an arrangement.

Sam was hanging with Artie and Puck…and Kurt honestly thinks he and Artie were all that was keeping Puck together. Blaine…his fiance…stayed with them so that Sam wouldn’t be too upset and sad. Tina was hanging with them as well, to cheer up dear poor Blaine, who was sooooo close to dear Finn. Kurt was very grateful for Sam, not so much for Blaine.

The new kids shouldn’t have been allowed in public. Only Unique and Marley were behaving in any manner appropriate to a place of mourning and Unique’s presence was causing Carole’s family to melt down.

And that was just the New Directions kids. 

Finn’s college friends weren’t too bad, but Rachel was vicious to them and Carole was just as vicious. Both insisted they shouldn’t be there and couldn’t be actual friends because Finn hadn’t known them long and thus couldn’t have been in any way shape or form close to them at all.

Carole’s side of the family spent large swaths of time screaming at Finn’s father’s side of the family…over religion and heaven and hell and whose fault it all was. Also over football and basketball, cheese flavors and pickles. In between yelling at each other they would turn on the Hummels…and more of his family came out than Kurt expected, enough to make those yelling fests into quite the spectacle.

Carole went from ranting and yelling at everyone she could find to yell at and blame…in spectacular fashion she blamed Rachel, Quinn, Santana, Britany, Puck, all the new New Directions kids, Mr. Shue and Emma, all Finn’s friends from college, Burt’s family, Burt and Kurt not to mention her folks and siblings and cousins and Finn’s dad’s whole side of the family…to bawling and throwing herself over displays and tables and people in a manner that reminded him of Rachel and not of Carole at any point in time that he had known her. And she drank….from the moment she entered the building to the moment they left to go home. The more she drank the more she yelled and said things she hopefully wouldn’t have said sober.

Meanwhile his dad fielded politicians and business associates. And Kurt took care of everyone and tried to make it so there were no damages required to be paid for at the reception hall.

Kurt opted to stay and help clean up and make sure everything got back to the house when he found out that Hummels were going over to the house after the reception thingy until 6pm and then ALL Carole’s family would be at the house from 6pm until they left. His dad had the guys from the shop bring over a car for him to use until he could get home to his rental.

While he was packing up flowers to either take over to the gravesite or back to the house or drop off at Rachel’s place, Kurt found two flower arrangements addressed to Kurt and the Hummel Household. One note read ‘ _Always, my heart is with you. May my thoughts of peace fill you that you may find it in your time of need._ ’ The other note said ‘ _Mourn, yes mourn. But always remember to let the song of life live on in you._ ’. Kurt didn’t recognize it as a quote, but felt he should…that he had heard or read it somewhere. Neither note was signed. One was a stunning arrangement of sunflowers and daisies and the other was reds and whites. He took a picture of the cards next to the flowers they were attached to like he had for all the other arrangements. Kurt pocketed the notes and packed the flowers to take back to the house.

Kurt texted Blaine a thank you for the flowers, but Blaine’s reply made it clear that the only flowers Blaine had any part of were the large arrangement of Calla Lilies simply signed ‘From the Andersons’.

Blaine didn’t ask how Kurt was or where Kurt was or if Kurt wanted to do anything with him or even see him while Kurt was in town. In fact Blaine told Kurt he was too busy comforting Sam and Tina to see Kurt at all, since Finn was so important to all of the glee kids and they had to be there for each other like friends should be. (Kurt was supposedly a friend wasn’t he? And a glee kid? And exactly what were fiances supposed to do for each other when bad things happened?)

Kurt finished up at the reception hall and drove the flowers first to Rachel’s house, then the cemetery, and then headed home.

He promptly left as soon as he had transferred the flowers into the house.

Carole’s family had shown up early. Aunt Mildred was having an all-out battle with Carole’s brother and Finn’s dad’s brother, but those two weren’t sided together. Carole was collapsed on the stool at the counter island, drinking yet another very large glass of something and moaning about how her life was over because she had no one to love her anymore and no one to love and shouting at his dad who was trying to take the glass away from her.

He put the two arrangements that had had notes for him in his room and then went out to move more flowers in.

As he was moving the last arrangement he’d brought back to the house in, Burt had him wrangle the smaller children into the den for movies and cookies, which he was very thankful the neighbors had brought over tons of food and cookies were in the whole lot, and started movies for them.

He didn’t see his dad when he returned to the kitchen area. Some relative of Carole’s was there with her, telling her how it was all the Hummels faults and if she’d just stayed single and dated like she was none of anything would have happened.

He then tipped Kurt 200 bucks and told him to tell his boss that the reception hall was OK but they should have done better by the MOTHER of the kid who died and not focused on people who didn’t matter so much…like that tall kid in most the photos.

His dad was in the living room keeping Mildred from punching people…and her boys from joining in.

“Dad, who is that guy in with Carole right now?” Kurt asked.

Burt looked through to the kitchen area. “Carole’s second cousin Luke. He has been living in Mexico for the last 15 years, but flew in when he found out Carole had lost Finn.”

“He said the reception hall should have had less pictures of ‘that tall kid’ and should have focused on Carole.” Kurt said. “Did he not realize that the tall kid was Finn?”

Burt shrugged. “He hated Finn’s father and moved far away when Carole announced she was pregnant and marrying Christopher. I guess the last time she’d seen him was when he was moving from Alaska to Mexico and tried to get her to go with him. Finn was like 4ish.”

Kurt watched the man petting Carole’s face and arms.

“Second Cousins, huh?”

Burt didn’t respond because Mildred was almost to Finn’s dad’s brother and Burt needed to focus on her again.

Kurt was waylaid by Finn’s great-grandparents, who also handed him about five or six fifties and told him to tell his boss at the reception hall how they admired their help in distributing the flowers.

Kurt turned and walked back out of the house and took the rental car out. He texted his dad who replied that it was probably best Kurt stay out until Burt texted him it was good to come home.

He stopped by the cemetery his mother was buried in for a bit, mostly to assure her he did not hit the pastor and that in the long run her family was the normal one, as dysfunctional as it was. While at the graveyard he texted Blaine…and Sam and Mercedes and Santana and even Tina. No one answered. Kurt waited about fifteen more minutes and then went to buy himself dinner. When no one answered at that point Kurt gave up and turned off his phone. Then he went to a movie.

When he turned his phone on again, his dad had texted that it was sort of safe to come home. There were several other texts from numbers he didn’t recognize until he started opening them.

Jeff, Nick, Flint, David, Thad and Trent had all texted him their sympathies and a memory or two of Finn. Dave and Sebastian even texted messages. Kurt replied thanks to each and asked if he could add each to his contact lists. Jeff texted back and asked if Kurt was the one taking to photos of Blaine and Sam and the others that Blaine was posting on his social media and told him how he thought, from what he knew of Finn, that Finn would have approved their way of grieving, as it looked like it was quite the party going on…a proper wake.

Kurt sent back a note that said he’d had to be home and couldn’t attend, but he thought Jeff was probably right.

Kurt pulled up the posts from Blaine. Everyone was at Blaine’s house…even Rachel and her dads.

Rachel posted under a photo of her and Blaine and Sam how thrilled she was that Blaine had thrown such a proper honor to Finn and how pleased she was that he assured her she would get her rightful top spot of grieving lover without any distractions of other potential spotlight stealers. And the how upset she was the Santana and Britany were there.

He would not admit to being upset when someone asked where he was and Blaine answered “why would I invite Kurt? This was about the people really important to Finn grieving together and Kurt would need too much attention for such a meager role in Finn’s life.” He would not admit he cried on the way home.

When he got home, Burt escorted Kurt up to his room.

“Carole’s family is still here, although most have settled into the den and family room and kitchen and dining room. A delivery man showed up about an hour after you left and delivered big box which I put up here before Carole could see. She hasn’t taken well to anyone else getting things…even things like parts that had to be shipped to the house. You should probably stay up here for the rest of the night. You can come work at the garage with me tomorrow until you have to head back for your flight.”

“Sure, Dad. How are you holding up?” Kurt asked.

“I am holding up pretty well. It’s hard to see a life so young gone so quickly. It is even harder when you don’t have answers to give those you love. It is just as hard for me to tell her that I don’t know why Finn and not someone else as it was when I had to tell you that.”

“Just, I’m here if you need me, Ok…” Kurt said.

“I know, son. I love you. You got that? I love you.” Burt said as he walked towards the door.

“I love you, too Dad.”

Kurt settled into his room and looked at the package that was indeed addressed to him.

He pulled it over to open.

A note sat on top a wicker hamper.

“ _Grief shared is grief halved. Sometimes the best sharing is done from afar_.”

Kurt opened the hamper. It held a plastic flute and a small bottle of the type of wine Kurt enjoyed. Two tins of cookies were in it. It held three note books and several pens, a few flash drives that Kurt could store large amounts of data on, one of the little recording devices he’d seen students with at school that were allowed in class for recording their performances and lectures, and a warm fuzzy fleece blanket…in Kurt’s favorite colors.

Inside the top note book was another note.

“ _An honest look at a life is better than whitewashing all the issues away. One cannot overcome that which is not faced. Be true, Kurt. Be honest and true. But don’t neglect the good things as well._ ”

Kurt took one of the flash drives and snuck out and into Finn’s room. He was well aware Finn hadn’t taken a computer with him to college, because his dad had complained about it. Carole was insistent Finn not have a laptop, though, because he would look at too much porn on it if he did.

Logging into Finn’s computer was easy. He never did password protect it. Kurt copied all the pictures and videos of the New Directions and Cheerios and other school things Finn had on his computer. He copied all the documents. He’d go through them later and weed what he didn’t want saved out. He copied everything saved in Finn’s Facebook and other social media sites. Kurt backed up all Finn’s music files…many of which were recordings of them in class. He even backed up some dubious named audio files, but he figured he’d rather have the option than not. He backed up Finn’s email…again he wouldn’t look at it until later and then would filter out anything not needed. He then used Finn’s external hard drive (the one he bought Finn and was certain Carole didn’t even know existed) and backed up the whole computer and tucked it into his room, to take with him. Kurt used his phone to take photos of Finn’s room, so he could remember how it looked. He took close up photos of everything on Finn’s walls. He took back things that were his that Finn had taken out of his room…mostly music and books and movies.

Then Kurt snuck back into his room. He shut his door tight and stuffed the old sweatshirt he kept for that purpose into the crack under the door. He and Finn both found that that blocked the sound from their rooms traveling so much better.

He sat on his bed, and figured out how to use the little recording device. As soon as it was working Kurt started talking. He spoke of everything he knew about Finn and everything he remembered about Finn and everything he felt…the whole gambit of it. He spoke of his dad and Finn and being jealous and of his frustration with Rachel and Finn and Quinn and Finn. He spoke of his upset at Carole and how hard it was sometimes to find balance in how he was treated and Finn was treated. He talked of his crush and why he thinks he might have had one and why he thinks he was insane for it. Of his frustration that NO ONE not even Finn ever saw him, really saw him…Of Finn’s acceptance of Blaine to the further exclusion of Kurt once again.

He spoke for hours. He drank and ate the cookies and talked and talked. He drew and wrote as he spoke. Kurt didn’t sing. He just couldn’t yet. He fell asleep with the device recording still.

Kurt got up at 9am, so he could go work with his dad. He cleaned up his room, packed his hamper and the things he liberated from Finn room into the box, except the flash drive he’d used, and taped it up. He tucked a few more items into place within the box as well so if Carole asked he could have an excuse for mailing a box and packed it down to the rental car to be mailed back to the loft. Kurt threw away the wine bottle, which was empty. He moved his flowers from the bedroom to the car. He was going to leave those at the garage. The house was quiet, but Kurt was well aware people were still there.

The stop at the mail was quick. He was to the garage and ready to work before he’d even been up an hour.

It was just what he needed. Every single person at the garage asked how Kurt was doing and how he was feeling. They talked about their day to day lives and how their families were and just other town gossip type stuff when they figured out Kurt wasn’t in the mood to speak about his own stuff much. Most of them came up and gave him hugs. No one told him he had to focus on making Rachel feel good and be happy. Even his dad seemed in a better and easier mood at the garage.

Kurt was sad to have to head out although he was looking forward to getting back to New York, since both Rachel and Santana were staying through the weekend.

Getting home was as peaceful as travel could ever be. No delays no problems, things worked right the whole way around. The taxi even found the most direct and least costly path to the loft.

Kurt was rather grateful for his choice in coming home time…he arrived at the loft about 10pm…called in delivery from the cab so he had only about a fifteen minute wait between getting to the loft and food arriving. He unpacked during that time, tossing anything he wore during the funeral and at the reception hall to the wash, as well as what he’d worn at home the night before. He pulled out his desktop computer and set it up…he generally only use the laptop in the loft…he preferred Santana and Rachel not really knowing he had his desktop computer even in New York. It lived in a box labeled shoes under his bed most the time. He decided he could do photos…tonight he could do photos.

Kurt didn’t dare look at anything until he’d got his food, which thankful wasn’t long. Kurt was terrified that if he didn’t start this now, he’d put off ever doing it at all.

As Kurt ate Chinese take-out…a mild chicken dish and egg rolls, and crab Rangoon in honor of Finn...Kurt opened the picture files. Finn had downloaded pictures from Prom…so like just a day or maybe even hours before he was just gone. Besides the folders that downloading from Finn’s phone produced, and the ones that were produced by his digital camera, there were other folders. There was a folder labeled from Quinn, and one from Rachel, Puck, Sam and even Blaine. There was a folder labeled Mom. There was a folder labeled New Directions. There was a sports folder and a friends folder. There was a folder labeled the stupid idiot and one named bro.

He opened the folder labeled From Rachel first. It contained dated folders….Kurt suspected Rachel downloaded her phone pictures to Finn’s computer when they did big dates together. It contained pictures Kurt knew Rachel had sent Finn from New York when she was trying to make him feel jealous and tons and tons and tons of pictures of Rachel at all points in her life. The Folder labeled From Quinn had a few shots Kurt figured Quinn had given to Finn so he could print out and post what she wanted in his locker when they were younger and a folder full of pictures of Beth. The folder labeled From Puck probably contained all of Puck’s photos ever downloaded from Puck’s phone…and a folder labeled pictures of Beth. Kurt suspected Puck just downloaded photos from his phone to Finn’s computer, he wasn’t sure Puck had one of his own. Kurt fished out a flash drive and copied all the photos in Puck’s folder onto it and sent Puck a text message. He got one back asking if Kurt could put other photos he thought Puck would like and any photos of the New Directions and the girls he dated onto it as well. Kurt sent him a message saying he would and that he’d send Puck the flash drive in a few days.

Kurt decided just to make a list and to work on Pucks flash drive later, but he marked it as the flash drive for Puck so it wouldn’t get mixed up. He figured he’d open the other folders that probably dealt with Puck. The sports folder was pretty much what it said, but Kurt recognized some of the professional shots that had been taken at the games and some of the ones done by the school photographers. Then Kurt opened up the folder labeled The Stupid Idiot.

They were pictures of him. Kurt was upset for about a minute until he realized they were only pictures he’d sent to Blaine. He closed that folder and went to the From Blaine folder and found pictures of Sam and Jake and Blake and Tina and Brittany and even Santana and Rachel, but very few of him…mostly the photos were taken during this current year of Glee.

Kurt thought for a few and went to the Friends folder. He did have a folder in it…filled with pictures of him from sophomore year in glee club on, but none of the ones that Kurt had sent Finn were in it and most the photos in it, unless they were taken in conjunction with glee, were from before their parents got married.

Kurt looked at the folder list again and clicked on the folder labeled Bro.

They were all photos of Kurt. There was a folder labeled From Kurt, in which all the pictures Kurt had sent him were found. There were folders labeled for different holidays and activities. There were pictures of Burt and Kurt, and Carole and Kurt, and even a few of Finn and Kurt. Looking through Finn’s photos the Hudson-Hummel household looked like there was never any strife, liked they had blended perfectly. And Kurt suspected in Finn’s mind they probably had.

Kurt cried. He cried himself to sleep.

He woke up in his bed and wrapped up in a fuzzy fleece blanket that was very similar to the one he had mailed back to himself from Lima.

He smelt food from his kitchen and baked goods.

And even though he knew he looked terrible he got up and walked into the living area of the loft.

It was filled with Apples and Adam was in command. He was directing the others as he stirred one of the pots on the stove.

“Adam?” Kurt whispered.

It was loud enough for Adam to hear him.

“Oh Sweetie...and I know I should not call you that but you and your fiancé will just have to deal with it when you look so like an urchin in need of care…I am so so sorry.”

“Why? I mean…I was so horrid.”

Adam handed to spoon to Max and rushed over to gather Kurt into a hug.

“You were not horrid. Rachel, maybe, but you were contrite and sorrowful and I was just hurt. But regardless of how our relationship ended, YOU ARE MY FRIEND. And where I come from friends care for each other in times of trails…sharing each others burdens and all that jazz.”

Kurt hugged back. “You guys sent the flowers and you sent the box!”

“We did. I figured it would be best not to sign it because Ms. Berry didn’t take kindly to us asking her to pass on our condolence to you before you left for the funeral.” Adam said.

“She didn’t say anything at all about it either.” Kurt said. “I didn’t know you had said anything. I never knew anyone had.”

“I told you we should have just contacted Kurt ourselves.” Nina said from where she was on the sofa. “It just that every time any of us saw you, you were on the phone.”

Kurt nodded. “Carole lost it and my father was trying to figure out everything for the funeral and gathering after…and everyone was calling me to help Rachel and take care of her and her broken heart and soul…and to check how Rachel was doing and to make sure Rachel was going to classes.”

“Why Rachel?” Max asked.

“Rachel and my step-brother were engaged for about half the year last year. And they dated on and off from our sophomore year until he sent her to New York to live her dream and went off and joined the military, where he promptly shot himself in the leg and was out. Technically I guess they broke up in October, at the same time Blaine broke up with me…but she’d considered them broken up before then.”

“Well…that is interesting. So while she was here dating Brody at the start of the school year she wasn’t really broken-up with your brother? Insane. Your poor brother.”

Kurt snorted.

“I’m not sure he knew they were dating before he broke-up with her…he kind of took off and didn’t contact anyone except apparently his mother and my dad after he shot himself. He didn’t want the rest of us to know he failed at the military. Most of us were rather glad he did.”

“Why?” one of the other Apples asked. 

Adam settled Kurt into the arm chair and went into the room to fetch the fleece blanket. He bundled it around Kurt and nodded to the Apples. He ruffled Kurt’s hair and went back to the kitchen. His Apples kept Kurt talking, asking about Finn and encouraging Kurt to tell them all about Finn and the glee club and football stories and all the stories he could share. Adam had warned Max and Jamie that there were some not light moments and to try to avoid those, but considering he often had Apples come stomping into the kitchen area and growling he realized they hadn’t been successful all the time. Adam would nod to the recording device he’d set up and hand over a cookie or cupcake and send them back.

Adam stocked the freezer with soup in three cup sizes. He figured that would feed two if not all three of them. He did not fix just vegetarian soups, as he wasn’t feeling indulgent to Rachel and knew she ate non-vegetarian more than she ate vegetarian. He did mark what soups they were on the containers. He fixed individual portions of lasagna and spaghetti; he put together several pot pies. And he baked bread and cookies and cupcakes.

Adam fed everyone soup and bread for lunch and motioned for his Apples to keep Kurt talking, moving from Finn to his mother. Adam suspected, given that Kurt is here and not in Lima and the way Kurt took to the morning, that he’d never been allowed to talk about her much either. He checked the recorder to make such that it was still recording and had space left at lunch as well.

People came in and out over the rest of the afternoon. Students from NYADA who he went to class with, students he had helped throughout the spring on projects, and co-workers came in to pay their respects and usually left something that could be useful. The numbers started to dwindle in the afternoon. At some point Kurt had printed a photo…just on printer paper…of Finn and one of his mother, so people would know who Kurt was talking about and what they looked like.

Soon it was Adam and about half the Apples who were still hanging around. Kurt got up and went to where Adam was still cooking.

“Thank you.” Kurt said He pulled himself up to sit on the counter. Adam held his hand up and went over to the recorder and stopped it. Kurt shook his head and pointed to Adam to keep it on. “I want it recording for this. I am amazed at your love and care today. I can’t believe you and your Apples did this for me. I didn’t deserve this.”

“Of course you did. Everybody does. It is what make us a civilization…caring for others. I didn’t actual expect you to be home. I figured you’d take the whole weekend with your family and do this together with them.”

“The rest of the Hummels were gone by 7pm the day Finn was buried. It was a good thing. Carole’s family was supposed to come at 6pm and showed up right after anyway. Aunt Mildred was trying to take out…in a very physical sense…two of Finn’s uncles when I got back from helping clean up at the reception hall. In the short time I was there Carole’s relatives happily paid me for being such a good employee for the reception hall. I don’t know if that was what Carole told them while the luncheon was happening or if they were just too drunk by that point to notice who I really was. Dad sent me out again so my presence didn’t egg people on worse as soon as I finished bringing in flowers. I think maybe when my mom died some people stayed a few days…but not many. Her family was a bit weird…there is such an age gap between kids and they spent almost no time together, they really didn’t have a lot of stories to tell. Aunt Mildred stayed a bit but that wasn’t actually a good thing. She did not like my mom so spent the whole time she was there trying to get rid of everything that was mom’s and remove all traces of her from the house and telling my dad he was now free to marry a proper woman who could give him a half dozen or so real sons. I liked being able to talk about Finn. It was nice…and to talk about my mom and stories of her I knew or things I remembered. I never get to do that.”

“What about your friends?” Adam asked.

Kurt turned away and Adam reached out and caught his hand. “Blaine threw a party the evening of Finn’s funeral. A wake of sorts. I wasn’t invited. I didn’t know about it until a guy who went to Dalton with us asked if I was at it. I texted back that I had to be home, instead, but the truth is I wasn’t invited. In fact, the thread is probably still up on Blaine’s Facebook page.”

Kurt led Adam over the computer that was still set up.

“I didn’t know you had a desk top system. Is it new?”

Kurt snorted. “It lives under the bed in a box that says shoes unless I want it out. Rachel and Santana do not know it exists. I like it best that way. It is what the printer hooks up to…the printer lives under the bed as well. Rachel has to print her papers on campus for a fee.”

Several of the Apples laughed.

Kurt sat Adam down and then kneeled beside him and brought up Facebook and then clicked over to Blaine’s page and found the photos from two nights before. He pulled up the one with Rachel’s comment and Blaine’s response.

“Oh Kurt.”

“Yeah. But…Finn did think I was important. He did.” Kurt said. He clicked to the photo folder on the flash drive, which was still in the computer, and clicked the folder named Bro.

“It makes our family look like perfect, but you know what…Finn probably thought it was. Dad loved him and they did things together and his mother adored him and worshiped the ground he walked on and he never was left out…they always remembered Finn. And I guess he saw me as brother…and maybe he treated me like brothers were treated in his family….I don’t know. But I have my own folder. All those others…didn’t.”

Adam reached over and closed the pictures and then closed the browser so Facebook went away. He shut down the computer and led Kurt to sit by Max on the sofa. He found movies that had sad parts but ended happy…so Kurt had a reason to cry and started one. Together he and the Apples still there stayed and watched movies with Kurt until late into the night…until Kurt fell asleep. Most the Apples left at the point, only Adam and two others staying, but Adam explained that he didn’t want Kurt to be alone.

Adam and the Apples took Kurt out the next day. Adam made Kurt get dressed up for going out, and refused to let Kurt freak out when Kurt realized how he looked when all those people came over the day before. They went out and saw a movie and ate out and then went back to the loft to help Kurt with any homework he had.

Adam informed Kurt he would meet him outside Kurt’s dance class the next morning and he wanted Kurt to bring the program from the funeral.

Adam and his Apples cleared out before Santana and Rachel got home at 9pm.

The computer was back in the box labeled shoes. The freezer was stocked with meals and tins were stocked with cookies. Cupcakes were set out and several loaves of bread sat in the bread box. Kurt was curled up with his blanket on the sofa watching TV.

Rachel came in and went straight to her bed, slamming things around.

“She didn’t get moved to first class even though she sobbed about her newly departed husband.” Santana said.

“Husband?” Kurt asked.

“Even she was aware enough to know ex-boyfriend wouldn’t work.”

Kurt rolled his eyes.

“Brittany missed you.” Santana said.

“I missed her, too.”

“I still don’t understand why you refused to go to Blaine’s, I mean aren’t you engaged to the guy?” Santana asked.

Kurt pulled out his laptop and brought up Blaine’s Facebook page and the photo…and Rachel’s comments beneath it...including Blaine’s comment.

“I wasn’t invited. I didn’t know about it until AFTER I got out of a movie which I went to alone after spending the evening alone. I texted people before the movie. I asked for company. No one answered.”

“Oh God.” Santana said. “I saw that you had texted but didn’t read it. We were with Tina, who said that you were just asking if we wanted any of the flower arrangements. I had already answered you about that.”

“I asked everyone about that at the reception hall. None of the texts were about flower arrangements. Not after the hall. Well, except one to Blaine.”

Santana looked at the picture and the comments. Kurt pulled her back down before she could get all the way up and get to Rachel.

“I just don’t get it, though…I mean Blaine is your boyfriend. You are engaged.” Santana said.

Kurt shook his head. “He hasn’t called me once to talk about how I feel about this. He has called every day to tell me to make sure Rachel eats and to medicate her to sleep if I need to because if her pending stardom fails because of this it will be the most devastating thing to the world ever. Nothing more…after that he hangs up. He has called Rachel every day to ask about her feelings and to talk about his. They speak on the phone for hours. I might be his boyfriend, but apparently the friend part of that is beyond his comprehension. How would you like a cupcake?”

Santana got up and headed into the kitchen as Kurt put away the laptop. Rachel chose that moment to sweep into the living area as well. Santana had opened the fridge and looked Kurt’s way and was in the process of opening the freezer when Rachel reached her.

“Oh Kurt, you shouldn’t have! All that time and effort for ME! I can’t believe you did this all for me.”

Santana snorted, holding one of the frozen containers in her hand. Kurt shook his head at her.

“Well, you know Rachel…friends support each other in times of need. Odd that. I mean, I’m sure you know all about that…supporting ones friends in times of need.”

Santana nearly started laugh and Rachel looked at Kurt confused, before shaking her head starting to tell Kurt about how HORRID the flight attendants were to her and how they wouldn’t accommodate her needs as a grieving widow. They didn’t even offer her extra snacks or drinks or a meal or anything.

Santana grabbed a cupcake and went over to sit by Kurt on the sofa, softly telling him about Brittany and a few of the others she thought he might like to hear about while Rachel ranted away in the kitchen as she made herself some tea. Kurt suspected Rachel didn’t even notice they weren’t focused on her.

Kurt worked on homework while Santana talked for a while before getting his bags together for classes the next day and setting them near the door. He tucked the program from the funeral in a notebook, like Adam had asked he do. He reminded Rachel they had school the next day, she whined that he wasn’t being sensitive to her needs. Santana tossed her towards her room anyway, so Santana could sleep.

Kurt actually slept.

No drugs, no drink…he pulled out his boyfriend pillow and snuggled up with it and slept.

Dance was manageable the next day, at least for Kurt. Rachel didn’t wake up and thus hadn’t made it to school yet when Kurt got out of his dance class to see Adam waiting for him.

“We are going to go see the Dean of Drama and the Dean of Tech, and then depending on what they say, we will make an appointment with the President of NYADA.” Adam said.

“Why?” Kurt asked.

“Do you think you will end up missing more school due to Finn’s death?” Adam asked.

“Yes. I have already been informed that I HAVE to be back for the memorial McKinley will have for Finn. It is planned for next week...this week is their spring break. My dad said I only had to go to one day but Carole insisted all week and threatened to have my dad withhold any money and help with insurances. He caved.”

Adam nodded. “Do you think this is going to affect your class work and home work and ability to go to school at any point?”

Kurt sighed. “Probably, just look at how I was about my dad…and how I was when Blaine dumped me. Hopefully I don’t let myself get to the point of no sleep and not eating and constant nervousness, but sadly odds are I might.”

“I and the Apples will try to help you not get to that point, but our hands might sometimes be tied.” Adam said.

“I don’t doubt they will be. But hopefully not for long. I do plan on some major life overhauls next week. But that is something best done in person.”

“Understandable. Anyway, most schools offer a bereavement clause…which states that when something horrid happens the school will work with the student to maintain their place at the school and any scholarships and things like that. I’m taking you to speak with the Deans I’m more used to and who I trust to see if they think you could qualify and how we could work your plan.”

Kurt smiled. “You are wonderful.”

Adam chuckled. “I doubt that, but I am your friend and I figured you didn’t know about the option…and wouldn’t think to ask even if you did.”

Kurt nodded.

The meetings were productive. Kurt got permission to miss classes when needed when in conjunction with Finn. He also got a letter to give him the option of extensions in his courses if he thought he needed it. He didn’t choose the other options. He was caught up on his work even with his time back in Lima due to his dad’s health; he got those absences excused after the president called his dad to ask about his health and if Kurt had been home for that reason. His grades looked really good and so he chose not to have the whole semester not count. Kurt felt the stress lessen though as he was granted the option of extensions.

“I just can’t believe how much that helped…just knowing there are options.” Kurt said.

Adam nodded. “I used it my second semester here, when my grandfather died and I had to fly back to Britain. I only used the extension option for two classes, and it was a godsend. Let’s go talk to all your teachers.”

Kurt was amazed when Adam took him around to his teachers. Madame T was the most annoyed with the decision, but two deans and the president of NYADA trumped her. Cassandra July asked if she could help him keep an eye on his health and such or if he’d prefer she not, as she was willing to call him out on looking like his hadn’t slept or wasn’t eating or was eating too much, but she wouldn’t do it gently since she had a reputation to keep. Kurt asked her to please tell him because sometimes he wouldn’t notice things getting to him.

“Do you tend towards OCD habits when stressed?” she asked.

Kurt nodded.

“The note said your dad was ill?”

“Cancer. He told me at Christmas, but his last treatment was the first week of March…and I went home for the results the week before our spring break.” Kurt said.

“That was probably the reason behind your tendency to do your warmups in sets of fives and sevens.”

Kurt blushed. “Yeah. Sorry.”

“Honey, not a problem. But now I know to look for that and tell you. Are you getting help?”

Kurt looked at her blankly.

“The school offers counseling and they have some very good people working that part of your health center.” Cassandra told him.

“We have a health center?” Kurt asked.

“Adam, take Kurt on a FULL tour of campus. Include the health center and the rec center and all those goodies. Honestly, I have little faith in that woman and your little friend.”

Kurt laughed. “I am starting to feel that way as well.”

“Adam, find out if the other two students that started in January know about those places as well.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Adam said, tipping an imaginary hat.

“I have always liked you.” She told Adam. “Now off you go and come back tomorrow able to tell me where the health center is and with an appointment scheduled. You have potential and I’d hate to see it burn to smithereens because you lacked the help you needed.”

Adam and Kurt headed out, as Kurt needed to go to his next class soon.

“So, after your next class, we will go exploring, but I would like you to be to the loft at 2pm…I called Isabelle and she agreed to allow you the day off…you have some deliveries coming your way.”

“Adam?” Kurt said.

“We got two arrangements for the flowers…one for Ohio and one for here, to be delivered today. Also dinner for tonight will be delivered.”

“Thank you.”

Adam escorted Kurt to his class. The Apples who shared the class with Kurt came to sit by him and a few other students came and talked to him and checked how he was doing as well. 

And Kurt thought that he’d probably be all right, surrounded by the friends who cared even if they weren’t who he thought he could count on. In fact, he thought as Joey from the Apples laughed with Miles from screen writing over the set of puns in the reading that Kurt was certain hadn’t been intended, as long as he kept a few people in his life he was bound to be just fine.


End file.
